quarter life crisis - turned curiosity - learning a new trade at 28 years old.

HELLO. LOL.

HOW WEIRD IS THIS. i've just sat down to write this post and thought, hmm, better start by referencing the fig tree theory which i heard of a couple of months ago. it explained such a deep feeling i've been trying to understand for a while. i've just searched for the quote and it's from 'The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath' - which i BOUGHT, TWO WEEKS AGO, NOT KNOWING THEY WERE THE SAME THING. what in the?!

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” - Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

since moving back into my own space, in manchester at the start of this year. i've subsequently spent more and more time alone, which i love. i atively try and fill my spare time alone with learning, or playful activities, mindfullness etc. in doing that, i've realised just how many interests i have and it started to affect me negatively. am i on the right path? am i putting my time into the right interests? am i living the best version of my life? i've started to feel like there isn't enough time in one life, to be everything i want to be, and do everything i want to do. 

being a self employed brand owner, the majority of my life revolves around my job. and so this had all got me thinking, is this really the job for me? don't get me wrong, i LOVE my brand. i believe in it whole heartedly. but that doesn't mean that it's easy. trying to get a brand off the ground is incredibly hard and it makes my life feel very unstable. 

my childhood was very unstable growing up, my relatonships with partners in my adult years have been extremely unstable. and now, being on the road to 30, i find myself craving stability more than anything. money isn't everything, but it is important. as much as i believe in my brand, i have fears around my future. i want much more out of life than just a successful business, and i need a stable financial income to achieve this. i don't want to be living pay cheque to pay cheque my whole life.

there's also something to be said about the fact that i live and work alone, at home. i am very content in my own company, but the days can get stagnant and i can feel myself yearning for new environments, time out of the house and social interaction at times. 

“There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers, and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not, the opposite is true.See, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun.And the realists? Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.” - Modern Family 

i am everything that i need in one person. i am both a dreamer and a realist. 

i will continue to work day and night on J A D E . K E L L Y. 

BUT

i will also, start learning the sparky trade. and i am SO excited. 

i want to know that my life has other potential avenues. and to take that into my own hands and make it happen, in something that genuinely interests me and is lucrative financially. i've toyed with a few different potential career paths. you might have seen me trying out floristry and gardening lately too. i loved these as hobbies but they feel a bit too soft for me as a career. 

which leads me onto explaining how the sparky trade suits me, because its definitely a leap from making pants lol. 

i'm boisterous, i have one brother, no sisters. my brother and i have different dads and i'm my dads only child, so growing up, he shared all of the boy things he did with me. i played rugby and golf, we went camping and fishing. i spent my weekends at the pub playing pool and watching football. i remember my dad first getting a van too and thinking, SICK. this thing is so high up, as a 5'2 person i'm now king of the world so high up. so i always wanted a van too lol. the idea of being on site with a bunch of blokes, radio on, dry humour, no facade or bravado, feels so comfortable to me and at peace with who i am as a person outside of my brand.

at a-level i studied textiles, biology, chemistry and geography. and was originally looking at courses in biological anthropology or marine biology. i ended up studing textile design, specialising in knitwear. i loved it so much and have no regrets on my degree, but always wondered 'what if' on the science route. practical experiments in science were always so interesting to me, so the thought of going back into education and honouring that child like curiosity and learning all about electricity feels so, so, so exciting.

my degree and currrent skills as a seamstress makes for a very hands on job that requires a steady hand, accurate measuring, patience and maths. 

you can probably start to see why the trade was standing out to me. i know a fair few sparkys and started to ask them how they found the industry, what were their working hours like, how stable was it? they all RAVED about their jobs, not a bad word was said about it. so i asked one of the lads if i could come shadow him on a day at work and he said sure flippin' thing. 

i wasn't surprised one bit, that i absolutely LOVED it. it felt so natural, was itching so many parts of my brain and made me feel energised and motivated with the brand too because it was a fresh day, out of the house, socialising, learning. 

soooo, i'm starting to apply for college courses where i'll enrol in a part time night course. and i'm shadowing any and every sparky mate i can until i can secure a part time apprenticeship.

i shared all about this on tiktok last week and the response was mad. partially people were interested in the spary trade too, and for some people were inspired by me putting myself out there and trying something new (their words not mine lol). 

i'm so excited about my journey with this, and i want to continue to share with people. but there's already a lot going on on my other social platforms lmao. so this space will be dedicated to my sparky journey. i'll share everything i find out on various courses, apprenticeships and knowledge of the actual job itself, how electrics work etc.

it'll be almost like a little homework/revision space for me! but be shared content that you can take from too. whether you're interested in this particular trade or also want to honour other interests and feel like the fig tree theory resonates with you. 

i'll share the highs and lows of a huge life switch up at this age, going back to school, becoming an apprenctice and running a full time business. lol. it's gonna be a lot. i am in for a BUMPY ride. but, i'm buckled in tight and i know that wherever this whole thing takes me, is gonna be safe and sound at the end of the ride :) i'll unbuckle, hop off and go get a donut :)

lastly, i read another book a few weeks ago that explored the same ideology of having infinite lives in other universes and trying to understand whether you've picked the right one. it's the only book i've ever picked up and read in a week :) i would hugely recommend. The Midnight Library, Matt Haig.

SEE U SOON. XXX